LEAVING!!!

Well we finally heard from immigration last week... they don't have an interview date for us yet, but they are thinking it will be early October. And so because we are evicted at the end of August anyways, and because all our close friends are gone now, and for a couple other reasons, we are leaving tomorrow!!! We are storing our stuff in a storage unit in Three Hills while we become nomads for a couple months because we can't move our stuff into the States yet. So in Three Hills our stuff remains, while we vacate!!! We will be in Montana for a couple days, then Washington for a few weeks, then BC for a few weeks, then Lord willing we will be flying to Quebec for our immigration interview!! My family is also in Quebec so we will visit there for a couple weeks and Lord willing move down to Montana after that! We're hoping by mid October. Once we find a place to live we will come back up for our stuff! It's gonna be a crazy couple months!!!

Here are some pictures of Eva helping me pack... enjoy!

Not only are we still waiting but... We Are Still Here!!!

We just said goodbye to some friends of ours. They have been waiting to leave too, and just packed up and left in less than a week from when they decided it was time.

About 2 weeks ago another friend of mine finally moved her family to where her husband has been working for the past number of months.

My best friend and her family are packing up to leave next week.

All these people finally getting what they've been waiting for, or what they want, and here we are; longing to do what everyone else it doing. I'm so tired of trying to be patient. But I must press on. Not only for the sake of my own sanity, and for that of my family, but also for the sake of the Kingdom. What good is it for me to go around living life bitter and pessimistic and ungrateful for what I do in fact have? What fruit would that produce? I have seen people like that, and I have also looked into my own bathroom mirror, and I do not like what I see. I do not want to be like that. Not anymore. I want to be joyful and grateful and full of thanksgiving, even amidst the storms. This doesn't mean that I will lie about my struggles and pains though. I will be honest, I think it's essential as well. People need to know we are real, and approachable, and fallen, just like they. They need to know that we too feel hurt and struggle with sins and temptations. No one wants to see a plastic smile and artificial happiness that can only come from hiding and pretending that everything is simply great. There is no glory for the Kingdom when we pretend to be perfect at the expense of others feeling shameful and inferior in our presence, or incapable of producing the same robotic happiness in all things. Nor is there any gain for the Kingdom in us being negative and bitter and full of complaint all the time either. No, we must strive for the middle ground, for honesty and integrity in our interactions with others and in how we live our daily lives. What others should see in us, what I hope others will see in me, is a true joy found only in the peace of being in relationship with Jesus Christ, and a peace that will sustain that joy through the storms. I hope they see my heart break when others are suffering. I hope they see my anger flare when injustice is about. And I hope they can see my earnest struggles and shortcomings too, so that there is a comfort in knowing they are not alone, a chance for conversation to spring up out of common ground. I don't want to be a plastic, botoxed-smile Jesus freak, nor a living martyr for sullen holiness. I want to be a touchable, reachable, honest, joyful, living, breathing, struggling, persevering follower of Christ. Though I may not be proud of where I'm at; and though I may be always striving for more, for betterness, for holiness; I am who I am and I am where I am. And people who encounter me deserve to see me for what I am. The good, the bad and the ugly. People need honesty, it's a breeding ground for Truth.

"I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am"

~John Newton

Still waiting...

So, as told by the title, we are still waiting on immigration. This is getting quite frustrating as we need to be out of this apartment in one month and should be, in the meantime, packing and making plans but we can't. Our interview for immigration will be in Montreal, and as we are in Alberta, this means it would be nice to have sufficient heads up as to when we need to be in Montreal so we can plan things like flights, where to store our stuff while we are gone, or moving somewhere else temporarily. Yet because we know nothing, we are left feeling the weight of the days ticking past us and our eviction date fast approaching. We cannot book flights, we cannot pack anything more, we cannot stay much longer yet we cannot leave. We have tossed many ideas around, such as moving early to Quebec and staying with my family while we wait for the interview, but this only works if the interview isn't too far out, and preferably if Nathan can get a  job out there. Which, it looks like, is a possibility. Second, we've thought about moving temporally to Washington with Nathan's family and waiting until it's time to go to Montreal. Again, preferably if Nathan can get a job. I would be legally allowed to reside in the states for 6 months as a visitor. However this idea only works if the interview is a long ways out. So, as you can see, we are at a standstill, waiting, frustrated and unable to plan or make any moves or changes. We are simply stuck. And I hate feeling stuck. It's kinda like emotional claustrophobia. I feel my insides screaming for change, for the ability to run, to move, to do something, anything, yet I am caged and cannot be free... we are a slave to the immigration system which has us in the very place I would do anything to be free form: the unknown. I know this is an opportunity to trust God with His timing and His plan and His provision, and I'm trying, but it is so hard to do so when Nathan and I are both so tired and so done with being here. We so badly want to move on and feel like caged birds, unable to do as we please. It is frustrating as an adult to have to wait until you are told what to do or have permission to proceed. It grates on us daily like the the chains around our ankles. Everything in me is under so much pressure, like a pressure cooker, ready to burst, to let out steam. I can't explain it much beyond that, but it builds each day and emotionally I am a wreck. I have fits of anger and crying and sheer frustration almost daily. Every day I walk with Eva to the post office, praying fervently that God would deliver us from this stagnant state by means of that letter being in my mailbox. And everyday I turn the key with eyes half shut, afraid to look, both optimism and pessimism strung up in the air, and I open it... nothing. My shoulders fall, a sigh escapes and I feel that much more broken and defeated. Lord where are you in all this? You say you will never leave me nor forsake me, do I really believe it? I think I do. I've seen it true in the past. And you are the same yesterday today and tomorrow, so I will try to be patient, I will try to trust fully, I will try to leave it all in your hands. "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." (Isaiah 42:16) Lord deliver us. Deliver me. If not from this waiting game then from my angry heart, my negative spirit, my un-trusting soul. Lord come be the breath I need so desperately right now. Come be the water I thirst for, the comfort and companion I crave. As depleted as I am I will carry on. I will walk in faith and, with your strength, in hope. I will wait on You, Lord, to deliver the news of immigration in Your time. Jehovah-Jireh.