Unrest

I've been tired lately, emotionally. I don't know exactly why but I've been experiencing a lot of depression-like feelings. Mostly anger. Not at anything in particular, just at everything. I wake up angry. I feel angry all day. I've been short tempered and cranky and all around dissatisfied. I don't understand all these feelings and they feel out of my control. Nathan thinks it might partly be from knowing we are moving, but not knowing when, and so being unable to truly settle in this apartment (since we moved downstairs). We're living 1/2 packed up, with very little on the walls and no colour! Everything is tan!!! Ahhh! Nathan has said that my home is my canvas and I realized it's true... I receive great joy from the creative expression I give to my home. Whether that be cooking and baking, or interior decor choices, or the random crafty things I make and hang on the walls. My home is an expression of who I am and perhaps that is part of why I have been so emotionally drab of late. I have been suffering a lack of creative outlet, and when that happens it's as though everything inside is screaming to get out and it can't. And so I'm left with all this emotion that cannot be channelled as it usually can, and this often results in negative outbursts or times of low depression-like demeanor such as now. Of course, these potential reasons to my behaviour and emotional state are by no means an excuse. All this introspection has led me to realize I have been struggling lately with being content with where I'm at in life, right now, today. I know that if I work on being content with where I am right now and what I have right now I would begin to feel more joyful and less depressed. The question is, however, how do I learn true contentedness?

Waiting... Packing... Waiting... Packing... (and thoughts on thrift stores)

Over the last few months I've been slowly purging items we don't need and sorting them into yardsale-ables and just trash. I've also taken the opportunity to pack items we are keeping but don't need at the moment in preparation for "THE BIG MOVE". Doing this kind of stuff just thrills me!!! I LOVE organizing and purging!!! It's sooooo rewarding!!! But now, I have this HUGE pile of crap waiting for the 19th of June when the annual main street yardsale will take place. I just love this event as I love yardsales and I love finding treasures for cheep!!! In fact, most of our possessions are either thrift store or yardsale finds! But even more than being exited to shop this year at the big yardsale, I cannot wait to get rid of my stuff!!! This will also be satisfying, not to mention rewarding for the savings account!!! For the annual yardsale you must book a table ahead of time and then show up early to pick your spot, pay your $20 fee and set up your stuff!!! Then around 9 (I think, or is it 8?) eager shoppers begin cruising the street up and down in search of treasures! The event goes until around noon. Last year I was mostly a shopper, but 2 years ago I split a table with a friend and made $180 profit!!! This year I couldn't split the table to save my life, I'll have trouble even having room for all of my own stuff!!! This is a picture of about 2/3 of out stuff!!! As you can see, it's a lot!

Speaking of thrift stores, both Nathan and I have realized that we would like to intentionally buy most of our stuff there, rather than purchase it new. For a few reasons:

~It saves butt loads of cash!!

~There are many stores and corporations who's practices and ethics we do not support.

~Nathan and I both realized that when we are shopping in malls or department stores etc. our attitude and perspectives change for the worse. At least for me, I am really affected by all the advertising and bombardment of media. A lot of women struggle with body image and self worth and I am not excluded here by any means. Also I find my attitude becomes more of "I need this... and this... and this..." or "I want this..." and I begin to find myself becoming more worldly and materialistic in my thinking. Don't get me wrong, I love stuff, and love buying nicknack's for my home that I don't necessarily "need", but there is a difference in being thrifty and decorating your home or dressing your family in creative ways, and adapting an attitude of wanting more and more and becoming too focused on worldly possessions. And since this is something I struggle with already, I have decided it is best to stay clear of malls and the like.

~It is just plain fun!!! I find it quite thrilling to search for items in thrift stores! It's like a challenge or a treasure hunt! And how satisfying when you come away with a bag of clothing or household stuff for a small fraction of the cost!!!

We have come to realize that most things; be it clothing, some furniture, household items, kitchen items; can be found at thrift stores if you are willing to search. And it opens up a whole new meaning to the word creative!!!  There are, of course, a few things we don't buy there, namely undergarments (that just gives me the heabie jeebies!!!) and typically jeans, as Nathan and I have rarely been successful at finding jeans that fit right at thrift stores. We typically buy good quality jeans that will last a long time, as we wear them, a lot!

WOW, all this talk of thrift stores has got me in the mood to go shopping!!! What can I say? I'm a woman!!!

Montana Bound...

This past weekend we went down to Montana for Camp Bighorn's annual work weekend. We worked along side staff and volunteers in the rain (man do I love the smell of rain in the woods, I can't help but just breath in the beauty of it) doing odd jobs here and there that needed tended to before the busy summer season. I was a part of the clean up of both the small and large ponds. We shoveled dirt (which quickly became mud), moved rocks, stacked rocks, cleared paths and streams and filled up the large pond to capacity. It was tiring work and it was cold and wet, but the spirits of the people there were warm and friendly, and I'll admit, it felt good to work hard like that. I had my almost 11 month old on my back most of the time while I was working, and if she wasn't there, she was on my front. So that added an extra 20 lbs!!! But she loves being close to mommy most of the time, and when she felt like she needed to burn some energy, we went into the lodge to let her crawl around. And boy can she move!!! She is walking some too, but usually chooses to crawl as she knows that is still fastest.

Eva looks a little dopey here! If I remember right, she fell asleep not long after this photo was snapped.

While we were down there; working in the rain and warming up with hot chocolate and friends; we took care of some logistical stuff too. Our dear friends J&S helped to get our page on the Camp Bighorn website set up. If you take a look under staff and click our names we have our very own staff page!!! However there is still nothing on it, as I have yet to upload a family picture and such. But, I hope to do so soon!!! For all your viewing pleasure! We also learned some more about raising support and downloaded a program which will help me (the organized one) to keep track of people from both Canada and the U.S. who are supporting us and/or receiving our newsletters. We are all set up to receive support from U.S. donors and are on our way to having stuff set up for our Canadian donors as well. The next big thing on my list is to compose and mail out our first newsletter. After, that is, I create a list of people we wish to have on our correspondence list.

So, our visit was both fun and profitable. And hopefully of some help to Camp. They were definitely of help to us. Our next trip down will be in early July for Camp's 25th anniversary. We will also use that trip to hopefully find a place to rent when we do in fact move. By July we should definitely have received word of our interview date for immigration, Lord willing. We both realized, as we drove further north and further away from the mountains, trees and rivers that is "big sky country", that each time we leave to head back for Alberta, the more we are aching to be down there permanently. I am tired of Three Hills. The town is great, but the scenery is nauseating! I need trees and water and mountains! And it will be nice to no longer be in flux. To no longer know we are moving but not know when. To no longer be living with half our stuff in boxes, waiting for our next home. But it will be bittersweet. We have made some great friends here over the years, and though many have themselves moved on, my dearest and closest friend is here and I despair to leave her. what will I do without dear H? She is the best friend I have ever had. She is the friend I've cried out to God for my entire life. And I've only known her less than a year. I will miss her dearly. But there are also friends we have made in Montana who we eagerly wait to be in closer commune with. And so, as I've said, it is bittersweet. But we are ready to move.